Conflicting Motivating Factors to Work (hard)

Working, spending very wisely, and saving hard is the only way in ensuring that the same would not occur again is a tiring process. I guess I need to search for a motivating factor to work (hard). Do you need to do the same too?

Age-Friendly course

Recently, I just attended an age-friendly course which was pioneered and conducted by the hospital I work for. I personally feel that it was a very useful course in allowing us understand the difficulties which the elderly undergo and frustrations which the elderly experience. This was mainly done through the sharing session and hands on. Hands on such as wearing the partially masked goggles and ear plugs and using the walking frames. With these equipments, we were only able to see the colors (not all) but not the words clearly and could barely hear anything. Not only that, "patients" on the wheelchair or with walking frames face their respective challenges too.

For me, I posed as a patient using a walking frame. Despite my good health, I thought that the walking frame seemed to get heavier by each distance which deterred me from walking fast. As such, my "caregiver" had to stop every now and then so that I could catch up with her. People who know me personally would know that my usual walking speed is so fast that most people could not catch up with me easily.

From this course, I understood why elderly suffer from low self esteem and get irritated easily. As a part of the younger generation, we should play our part in giving way to them (the least we could do) instead of toggling with our handphone (the current state) and ignoring their presence which might impose more risk on them than necessary.

Ignorance or nasty?

For what I have gone through and sacrificed and you need not and got to enjoy your school life, you call me 'money face', you are really horrible. Of all people, why do you resemble it? Among us, you have suffered the least yet you often think you have the hardest life. Why can't you be appreciative? Your words are often full of poisonous thorns, in case you don't know. There is a limit as to how much I could tolerate your nonsense. When you had issues, you come to me for advice. However, over small matters, you either snap at me with harsh words or are very defensive. When anything goes wrong, you are quick to blame others, but what about yourself? I am disappointed in you.

The Final Lesson in University (Edited)


Even though I had never joined any activity (other than having a short dinner or/and attending lessons) in my entire school life in university, I actually missed school. :( There was a tinge of sadness when I left school this evening. This was a place where I called my third home after my work place. For the past three years, other than my work, most of the time I thought of my school work. Suddenly, after three years, I feel empty knowing that I need not do that anymore. I guess I am pretty used to the routine even though I have been waiting to get my degree as soon as possible. How ironic. :p Trust me, in order to reach this day, three years is truly a long wait for me.

When I first stepped foot in my school, I was excited and was filled with burning desires to do well (by getting a first class honors – typical people would think that it is easy to score in a private institution but I was wrong too =[). Then, I changed my mind completely especially after talking to some seniors and taking back my results for Prelims (mock exams before our once a year exam).

 On a Saturday, after a lecture conducted by a UK lecturer in my first year, I was supposed to meet up with a friend to coach him on a module which I was good at it. Upon getting back two marked mock papers for my most confident module and another one which I was not good at, I was really shocked and felt very lost. I failed badly for that most confident module. Mock papers were usually easier than the actual exams, hence I should not score very badly. That day, I cried very badly from that afternoon till the time I fell asleep. Instead of receiving a coaching session from me, I refused to talk much and he even consoled me and gave me a treat to a Thai meal. Not only that, he never blamed me and still continues to encourage me. Therefore, he is one of my friends whom I cherish even though we hardly talk to each other. It was that same classmate (http://weirdy-xtreme.blogspot.sg/2010/12/2days-home.html) who bought a bottle of liang teh for me when I was sick. ^^ I always think that people who buy herbal drinks or medicine for me without being asked are extremely sweet as it shows that they really care for me! :D But again, I never took any leave or MC to study for my Prelims and would study for all papers after work and over the weekends. After work, the only thing you want to do is to sleep or do any relaxing activity but not something so taxing on your brain. As such, I have to admit that sometimes I am being very harsh on myself.




 Since 17 (or a month after my last paper for ‘O levels), I had been working whenever I could (to earn money for my textbooks, notes, and my handphone bill, etc) even during the school terms. As a result of that, I am well trained to sleep anywhere and anytime. On a typical day to school, as usual, I was really tired so I held onto a pole for support while I stood and slept as the bus was too crowded for me to get a seat to sleep. Then, a lady who sat on a 1.5 sitter-seat tapped me and told me to squeeze in with her. I was very embarrassed so I politely declined it which did not make her give up. She made space for me and persuaded me again. I was really touched by her humanity. So, yes, I gave in to her and sat next to her despite the lack of space. HAHAHA.

It was really challenging to do a full time job and a degree on a part time basis concurrently. (Till this day, there are still people who question me if it was really so tough to handle both concurrently. Why don't you do it since you think it isn't so tough? :)) At first, the lack of rest and overwhelming stress killed me inside out and I cried almost every day. Without my job, I had no means to pay for my school fees and other expenses. However, without doing my degree, I am unsure if I would be so determined to work despite all the obstacles. Ha.

 On some days…

    • I needed to finish some urgent tasks, hence I could not knock off on time and had to rush to school. “Rush” is an underestimation as I ran in my heels most of the time regardless of how tired I was after 9 hours of work.

    • I received scolding (or, even insults) from my superiors or/ and clients (which could be in front of all your colleagues), whether or not I really committed any mistakes. (number 1 mood-spoiler for the day)

    • I just wanted to give up on everything as it was stressful and tiring to go on.

    • I had to revise the module which I did in my first semester as I needed to do that along with the remaining modules for my annual exam. When we did our Prelims, the last lesson we attended for that module was six months ago. -_- A normal human would not have such a good memory and we were forced to be a super-human. Ha.

    • I spent a lot of time explaining to some who never understood why I needed to do revision so frequently. I never had the chance to ask them, "Did you think I am doing my education in Kindergarten or Secondary School?" -_- Sigh, if I really could not meet up with you, then I really couldn't do so. I would not promise something which I am not confident to deliver. Just prefer dealing with the problems to the consequences. *shrug* Sometimes I got too irritated by the probing, I would ask, "Do you want to sit for my exams? " :P Yes, I am very mean but pleeaaase understand the position I was in.

    • I wished I could join any school camp or activity to experience school life in University for once but it was impossible due to the time constraint. (For someone like me who loves to have fun and freedom, no one
understands how much I envy the full time students who have the luxury to do so. In fact, sometimes I feel sad over it. When some complained to us they had very few friends in school, the truth is, most of us attended most lessons alone. Working adults are too tired to even smile at each other at times.)

   • I felt like lying on my bed to cry for the whole day.

On most days…

    • In my first job, on the days which I needed to attend lessons after work, I had to leave 30 minutes earlier from the knock off time to reach school at 7 pm (which means no time to take a breather at all since the classes start at 7 pm sharp till 10 pm. Not forgetting that most of us wake up at 6.45 am - 7.10 am for work everyday). Since I had no bargaining power, 30 minutes had to be deducted from my annual leave despite the lack of annual leave, the fact that I reported for work 15 minutes earlier almost every day, and sometimes I worked through lunch to complete my work.

    • Due to the lack of time, I had to do my assignments or do my revision during my lunch.

    • In my second job, in order to complete that mountain of paper work, I did OT on the days which I did not need to attend lessons beyond my knock off timing (at 7pm- 10pm+). (In this century, most employers do not pay employees extra for doing OT anymore).

   • I had to run from the bridge outside of my school to the bus stop for my bus (if I saw any approaching) as wanted to reach home as early as possible so that I could sleep. Usually I would reach home at 10.40 pm and the routine began again.

    • I spent most of my time on revision and assignments over the weekends, during the public holidays AND after working hours when I had no classes. It was pretty frustrating that I could not rest at all. :(

    • I spent many days catching up with friends whom I had not seen for months during our “vacation” after exams when I wished I could sleep through my weekends.

  •  I had to think THRICE before spending as my salary was too little for my school fees and other expenses.

  • I  survived on 2-2.5 (0.5 - bread for dinner during class or cereals or bread for lunch) meals every day so that I could "squeeze out" money for my school fees, etc as I could not take up a bank loan due to personal reasons. And, extra money in case I really, really could not manage with a full time job anymore. Yes, since December 2012, I stopped working so that I could concentrate on catching up on my studies (for my Prelims in February and March and actual exams in May), look for a job, and plan for my graduation trip to Taiwan.

  • I  pretended to be strong and cheerful and even attended to others' issues when I had tons to deal with. I guess, I often keep things to myself as I find it hard to express my fears and true feelings that I do not want others to feel the same as me. Therefore, I would try my best to help or listen to their woes or even share my signature cold jokes to make them smile/laugh whenever I could. Oh, I do realise that some could not take jokes well and some even made some nasty comments after hearing my jokes. :/ I felt stupid at times. Ha. It was horrible to fight this war alone where some people were not understanding and supportive and even made things difficult for you. Some said, comparing to the full time students, we are richer. But, most of us did not take up any bank loans, hence the discipline to spend wisely was vital as well. Sometimes, I really thought of asking them if they thought I paid everything using hell notes (as we could use a few dollars to buy a lot of hell notes). Ha. Anyway, as time worn on, it was not so much of money but the energy determination, motivation and discipline to complete this journey. The employers would not care if you are feeling stressed up or lack of time to do revision and assignments. You are on your own. I would be lying if I said I never once thought of quitting my job or not reporting for work at all. Likewise, the examiners would not be sympathy towards our lack of time and energy to study, hence graded us better than we should. If so, our passing rates would be much higher.

 • My only leisure/ rest time was when I listened to some music on my way home from night classes or work or when I listened to some music while I took my bath. There was barely any breathing space (during the school semesters from mid July to my last paper in May) for me to sit down and relax myself. It is easy to say, "Oh, plan your schedule well and there should be no issues." But, given the limited information for most modules, we needed do research on some articles or theories for extra information or it would not be sufficient for us to even get a pass - either you do it now or later. The bottom line is, if there is too much procrastination or excuses (e.g. feeling too tired or busy to do anything), the amount of work you need to do will accumulate and you might be more stressed than you should be when exams are nearing. Yea, you can expect that there
was a lot of "inner battles" with myself.

 • I  was pressured (by myself) to choose between work, school work, and loved ones. HOW?


Despite all these obstacles, I still put on my smile and gave my full attention during the 3 hours lecture. In fact, sometimes I was too tired to even understand anything and just noted down whatever the lecturers said. On some nights, I just felt like crying or even skipping my lectures. But if I did that, I wouldn't be able to get any help as all working adults have their own commitments too.

 Not only that, we never once took leave to rest as we had to use all our leave for exams. In other words, we had to return to work on the next working day after our last paper since we used up all our leave for exams already. For us, the battle started from mid July all the way to our past paper in May or June where there was only a week or no school vacation (which was precious for me to catch up on my school work) in between the two semesters. When some who only need to work complain to us that they do not have enough leave, we would smile at them and ask, “What is annual leave?” For me, usually I will just smile and remain silent otherwise…. :/

To be fair, most working adults would want to sleep through their weekends due to the hectic schedule. But, I am a fighter who refused to give in to stress and tiredness so I pressed on. The stress from a full time job could be worse than studying as other than yourself, you need to handle others whom some you dislike to deal with. 

When I was doing my final year project along with other projects for my diploma till 10-11pm almost every day for at least six months, I thought it was stressful and tiring and it was my limit. When I was holding my first full time job which required me to work on alternate Saturday and two part time jobs concurrently for almost a year, I thought it was my limit too. I thought so until I went through this journey then I learned how it really felt like to feel stressed and tired. It was never about our tolerance level or that our tolerance level was higher than others but rather, we had no choice.  If our circumstances permit, we would also wish to do one thing at a time. We wish we could give up but we just could not do so. Which one should we give up on, our job or our education?

I met all sorts of people along the way and am glad and thankful that some still decided to stay in my life despite the fact that I could get quite pessimistic and grumpy at times. And, thank you to myself for staying and learning to be so strong and finishing this despite all the obstacles. Completing this journey is by far, my greatest achievement in my 24 years of living! ^^ I wish I did not need to go through these many a times but still, I never regretted it. This post pretty much summarizes how I spent the last three years with the exclusion of the nitty-gritty details.

For the past few months, I begin to think what I want and need to do upon graduation. I thought I knew but I am pretty lost. All I know now is that, never will I want to have such a heavy commitment when holding a full time job anymore. Enough is enough. Nevertheless, I will keep searching for my new goals in the meanwhile. :) Wish me all the luck in the world for my final battle!!!

Setting Up a Family

Those who are thinking of setting up your own family, I personally think this (http://www.mycarforum.com/index.php?showtopic=2688332&st=260 ) is a good forum to visit. I did not start the thread but only happened to come across it.

Conclusion of 2012

Just A Thought

Sometimes we talk to people about certain issues as we thought we could discuss something beyond it, we want to get it off our chest or we do not understand why things occur this way. Instead, we are being judged and even being brushed off with hurting remarks.

Some topics are not intended to be discussed as they are on the surface but beyond it. Some ask me why I keep many things from them but never find out why. I guess if you really care, you would care to find out why. Otherwise, we will always be miles away from each other even though we are physically so near to each other.

Bid Goodbye

A Pleasant Surprise

Happy UnhappyFruitful 2011

Happy Sunday!

I want to pen down all the happy things which occurred today to remind myself that life is not always so bad!

1. Completed my 10km within my targeted timing. When I saw the actual timing, it was slightly faster than my targeted one. :)
2. I managed to collect buddy’s birthday cake in time which allowed WL and I to carry out the surprise plan. Buddy was pretty surprised, weren’t you? :) Happy birthday in advance, buddy! :D
3. I finally wrote my wishes on the white big ball which will be thrown onto the sea by end of this end year, along with others. It was my first try! :)
4. BH and I had a good catch up over lunch after we parted our ways with WL and Buddy. But, both of us walked like as though we were crippled. :/
5. I washed my shoes after they were being “soaked” in the mud during the bag deposit and collection before and after the run respectively. Imagine the front part of my shoes were brown in color when they are supposed to be white (strictly speaking, not really white anymore)! Tsk tsk. My legs felt worse after washing them because I washed them by squatting down in the bathroom at the same time. :/
6. I had a great bath. :) I felt so dirty throughout the day until I had my bath in the late afternoon after I finished washing my shoes. :/
7. There are a lot of newly pretty tagged photos! :D I managed to pick one to replace my display photo on facebook because I am tired of looking at the same one after almost six months. :p
8. I enjoyed my day so much that I felt like crying when it was already 6pm. :x
9. I managed to sleep before 12am! :)

A Carefree Saturday

After three months, I finally met up with an ex colleague whom I was rather close to from my old company. Now, he would call me ‘Chu Er’ which I am not used to it yet because my colleagues would call me by my English name for everyone’s convenience. Anyway, it was a great meet up with him because we managed to fill each other with details which we missed out for the past three months. He was still the same old talkative him. Ha. This is good because the meet up would never be awkward. =)

Following that, I finally met up with buddy! On my way to meet up with my ex colleague, I received a message from buddy asking me if I wanted to watch ‘Friends with Benefits’. At that moment, I was quite excited about it because I wanted to ask him about it the night before our outing. As usual, I never fail to love watching comedy romance so I really liked that show especially when it ended with a happy ending. =) After chilling out at the esplanade, we even took some photos together! I think the last time we took a picture together was more than nine months ago. =/ I personally think we look good in those photos. =D It was a short but great meet up, as well and as always. ^^

I wish I had more weekends like today. It made me feel so relaxed. Sigh, I will try to be optimistic until everything ends. =(

Take care, buddy! We will see each other again in December! =D =D I will always remember you! =)

Before I start a proper revision (time check: 8.47pm. Slap me! I had been lazing on my bed for almost whole of today when I am supposed to do my assignment too), I would like to write a short entry about yesterday. I just feel that it was something worth remembering, hence I decided to pen it down.

{An extract from an article. This is awesomely meaningful!}

• Be courteous, be punctual, always say please and thank you, and be sure to hold your knife and fork properly. Others take their cue on how to treat you from your manners.
  
  
• Be kind, considerate and compassionate when others are in trouble, even if you have problems of your own. Others will admire your selflessness and will help you in due course.
  
  
• Show moral courage. Do what is right, even if that makes you unpopular. I always thought it is important to be able to look at myself in the shaving mirror every morning and not feel guilt or remorse. I depart this world with a pretty clear conscience.
  
  
• Show humility. Stand your ground but pause to reflect on what the other side are saying, and back off when you know you are wrong. Never worry about losing face. That only happens when you are pig-headed.
  
  
• Learn from your mistakes. You will make plenty so use them as a learning tool. If you keep making the same mistake or run into a problem, you’re doing something wrong.
  
  
• Avoid disparaging someone to a third party; it is only you who will look bad. If you have a problem with someone, tell them face to face.
  
  
• Hold fire! If someone crosses you, don’t react immediately. Once you say something it can never be taken back, and most people deserve a second chance.
  
  
• Have fun. If this involves taking risks, so be it. If you get caught, hold your hands up.
  
  
• Give to charity and help those who are less fortunate than yourselves: it’s easy and so rewarding.
  
  
• Always look on the upside! The glass is half full, never half empty. Every adversity has a silver lining if you seek it out.
  
  
• Make it your instinct always to say ‘yes’. Look for reasons to do something, not reasons to say no. Your friends will cherish you for that.
  
  
• Be canny: you will get more of what you want if you can give someone more of what they desire. Compromise can be king.
  
  
• Always accept a party invitation. You may not want to go, but they want you there. Show them courtesy and respect.
  
  
• Never ever let a friend down. I would bury bodies for my friends, if they asked me to . . . which is why I have chosen them carefully.
  
  
• Always tip for good service. It shows respect. But never reward poor service. Poor service is insulting.
  
  
• Always treat those you meet as your social equal, whether they are above or below your station in life. For those above you, show due deference, but don’t be a sycophant.
  
  
• Always respect age, as age equals wisdom.
  
  
• Be prepared to put the interests of your sibling first.
  
  
• Be proud of who you are and where you come from, but open your mind to other cultures and languages. When you begin to travel (as I hope you will), you’ll learn that your place in the world is both vital and insignificant. Don’t get too big for your breeches.
  
  
• Be ambitious, but not nakedly so. Be prepared to back your assertions with craftsmanship and hard work.
  
  
• Live every day to its full: do something that makes you smile or laugh, and avoid procrastination.
  
  
• Give of your best at school. Some teachers forget that pupils need incentives. So if your teacher doesn’t give you one, devise your own.
  
  
• Always pay the most you can afford. Never skimp on hotels, clothing, shoes, make-up or jewellery. But always look for a deal. You get what you pay for.
  
  
• Never give up! My two little soldiers have no dad, but you are brave, big-hearted, fit and strong. You are also loved by an immensely kind and supportive team of family and friends. You make your own good fortune, my children, so battle on.
  
  
• Never feel sorry for yourself, or at least don’t do it for long. Crying doesn’t make things better.
  
  
• Look after your body and it will look after you.
  
  
• Learn a language, or at least try. Never engage a person abroad in conversation without first greeting them in their own language; by all means ask if they speak English!
  
  
• And finally, cherish your mother, and take very good care of her.
  
  
  

I love you both with all my heart.
Daddy x

Hey Batam, we met again!

If you are anticipating for a lighter entry, this would be the one which you are looking for. Oh yes, I am back from Batam last evening.

Before the trip, I was worried about a few issues such as staying in a hotel (as I heard too much horror stories with regard to staying in a hotel) and also looking after someone. Most importantly, I skipped one lesson for this trip. Most people (including Sis) encouraged me to go because the chances are, I might not even pay full attention to it.

On the first night, we reached the hotel later than they had planned to, hence we could not go for our massage session. As such, we had to skip to our second activity which was to enjoy our spread of seafood! In fact, we could have gone for our massage first but we could not because the hosts had already ordered the food for us.

All I could say is, I had not tried so much seafood at one go before! However, I did not really eat fried food because fried food is never really my cup of tea. Also, I drank very little beer because I did not want to get drank. =p One of the most unexpected outcomes of this trip was, a few of them got drank. Not forgetting the fact that I really laughed my head off that night because the “bully” at work was the joke of the night. In the end, I became the nurse of the night because the “work” was thrown to me. Even so, it was not a wasted effort because I was pretty entertained to see the drunken state of the “bully”. Of course, I would not let this chance slip by without getting my “revenge” done. *evil smirk* On the way back to Singapore, I related the entire episode to the “bully” which brought about disbelief in him. HAHAHA. Otherwise, my first night there was more peaceful than I expected it to be. Oh yes, my room mate told me that I did not snore at all. =D

On the next day, I woke up at about 7am which I guess it was due to the fact that I slept in a stranger place, hence I could not really sleep well. After which, we went to have our breakfast at the hotel’s restaurant which tasted horrible to me.

After which, it was the start of our adventure! The host was pretty nice to help us hire two cabs so that they could bring to any place which we requested for (of course we paid for it ourselves). The first stop was to a shopping mall. However, it was a shame that we did not manage to shop in there as it was still very early. Nevertheless, something else made up for it. It was of course the first massage session of the trip! Most including myself chose the scalp and foot massage which only cost S$26! My hair still feels so smooth now! =D

Following there, we quickly rushed to a place for our lunch. Most ordered the Soto Ayam which was not to my liking at all. Luckily my ice milk tea was not too bad. Of course, I could make a much tastier ice milk tea! =p It was a quick lunch as we had to rush back to the hotel to check out our room. Since we still had so much time to spare, we decided to use its facility – the Jacuzzi and Sauna. There is always a first time for everything which we try and so it was my first time trying it too. I must say that it was pretty relaxing!

Finally, we managed to spend the time away so that we could go for our long awaited full body massage!

Not that the massage was not good but rather the entire experience was a little awkward to me. Luckily, I went for a back massage once in Singapore before so at least I knew that I need to remove my top (including my bra) otherwise I would be an embarrassment. =/ However, what I was not prepared was that, the masseur would view my entire breasts as well. She must have thought that I was quite funny because I would use the towel to cover them whenever I can during the entire session. Since I opted to do a body scrub as well, it would mean that she had to help me scrub my breasts as well. Okay, at least she asked me if she could do it. The way she asked me was pretty funny.

She: “Can I do *pointing at my breasts* here?”

Me: *Smiling shyly and shook my head*

Yes, I really feel uncomfortable for another person other than myself to touch my breasts. (Okay, hopefully I do not have any underage reader=/) Anyway, my skin still feels so smooth after the scrub. =D

After the massage, we went to retrieve our luggage and headed to the ferry terminal. Last but not least, we had a sumptuous dinner at this open air hawker near to Saint James.

Overall, I did not regret making the choice of joining them for this trip and wish it was a longer one. Now, I am suffering a hangover from it. Urgh, I need to be back to work to tomorrow. =(

All right, it is time for a short nap before I do my revision. Ha. I know it is weird to have it now but I woke up at 7.30am earlier on for my run. Not only do I have a need to train for my 10km race but also to shed off the additional and unwanted fats!

Before I end off, I want to say that I still love Batam! =) A friend and I are thinking of going to Vietnam either this or next year. I am positive that I would love there as well. =D