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all about this dreamer

This is a public blog of mine. Frequent posting is not expected.

Capricious Chu Er/21F
she is someone who..



~is a typical aquarian

~is extremely fragile

~plans ahead

~is extremely emotional and sensitive

~can be unforgiving(or rather would avoid)to people who use harsh,insensitive or/& irresponisible words on her

~is quite independent

~has high determination

~is simple yet complicated and deep

~can get very impulsive if anything goes out of her way

~does not express her real feelings/thoughts well

~spends a lot of time in her own thoughts

~usually means it when she mentions something for twice or more regardless of whether she says it in a serious or joking manner



~certainly feels very pissed off when one tries to act as if he/she understands her very well when it is not at all!

~certainly cannot stand people who commend about her behaviour when they are also doing the same thing!

~hates to be accused by people especially with no good reason!

~hates last minute work and/or work with no efforts put in!

~hates to be late


~wishes to get freedom soon

~wishes life is smoother than before

~wishes to be a good presenter/speaker

~wishes that her future is what she wants to persue



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Designer: Edna
Base codes: Tammy
Brushes: Inobscuro, At0mica, Echoica, Veredgf, Puzzle
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Others: Adobe Photoshop CS


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Saturday, August 21, 2010




To Let Go


To let go doesn't mean to stop caring;
It means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off...
It's the realization that I can't control another...
To let go is not to enable,
but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try and change or blame another,
I can only change myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their own outcomes.
To let go is not to be protective,
It is to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny, but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish the moment.
To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more.





I happened to see this when I was searching for some emails. Don't you think that it is something very meaningful? I am not too sure if it was written for me or found somewhere when I was going through a tough time. Anyway, you know who you are, THANK YOU for being there! =)

Something strange is happening too. Lately, I start to recollect every minor event. It is like a broken video – playing bits by bits. This makes me feel guiltier by the minute.




How do I forgive myself?



I dreamnt of you at 8/21/2010 11:17:00 PM




Sunday, August 15, 2010




A day out to Sentosa


On this day, I recalled many things. Last year of this month, the horrible thing happened.

I only managed to sleep after 12am as I was home late from the chocolate buffet. Speaking of which, I think other than the fact that it was at the hotel which I wanted to visit for so long, a great ambience and I was with great company, it was not worth it to spend that much due to the lack of variety.

On this very day, I had to wake up at 5am to collect the volleyball from my friend. I could not remember that my alarm clock rang, let alone me switching it off. But, out of a sudden which I often do, I jumped up and looked at the time which reflected 5.05am. The nightmare began when I realized that dad was in the bathroom. I wondered how I could get out of the house but in the midst of it, I quickly packed a small bag. When I opened my door again, the toilet was just being flushed so it denoted that he would begin bathing after that. Hence, I seized the opportunity by sneaking out of the house. Lots of questioning would be conducted if I were to be caught by dad or mum.

I kept running and running and running towards Redhill MRT. I was afraid that dad might drive pass me at any time and be late as my friend had to work. It was like the dreams which I had many times – running away from home. In the dream, it was very scary too - in fact, scarier. I was afraid to be caught by anyone so I would keep running in my dreams. Like in reality, I often choose to run away from any problem. In my dreams, I would return home again because I was afraid to be caught and face the music.

It was a short but great catch up with my friend. I told him the purpose of needing the volleyball again. Then, he made a casual remark that I often organized outing back then. Did I? I could not really remember. Those were the days which I miss so much. Anyway, I shall take it that he was complimenting me. =D

Once I reached home, I quickly switched on my computer so that I could load my drama while doing my housework. I only managed to catch one episode after my bath and packing my bag.

Anyway, it was a great outing with them. It was my first time playing in a volleyball match but my apologies that I was a very bad player. =/ It was obviously not my game because I had difficulty hitting the ball over the net. But, I am sure that I could if I got very angry. =x Now, my right wrist, legs and back hurt so much. To be very honest, I kept looking out for any sight/shadow of someone yesterday. Sigh...

All in all, I had a great weekend!

Lastly, I was touched by a message which I received in the later part of this week. I thought that you would forget me after making many new friends and we have not been really talking to each other lately. However, I told myself that you are not this sort of person. True enough, that message verified that. =D Thank you!

I realised that my happy drink is bubble tea! My mood will become better after drinking a cup of bubble tea when I am moody.









One year has past. How have you been doing?


I dreamnt of you at 8/15/2010 12:37:00 PM