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all about this dreamer

This is a public blog of mine. Frequent posting is not expected.

Capricious Chu Er/21F
she is someone who..



~is a typical aquarian

~is extremely fragile

~plans ahead

~is extremely emotional and sensitive

~can be unforgiving(or rather would avoid)to people who use harsh,insensitive or/& irresponisible words on her

~is quite independent

~has high determination

~is simple yet complicated and deep

~can get very impulsive if anything goes out of her way

~does not express her real feelings/thoughts well

~spends a lot of time in her own thoughts

~usually means it when she mentions something for twice or more regardless of whether she says it in a serious or joking manner



~certainly feels very pissed off when one tries to act as if he/she understands her very well when it is not at all!

~certainly cannot stand people who commend about her behaviour when they are also doing the same thing!

~hates to be accused by people especially with no good reason!

~hates last minute work and/or work with no efforts put in!

~hates to be late


~wishes to get freedom soon

~wishes life is smoother than before

~wishes to be a good presenter/speaker

~wishes that her future is what she wants to persue



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Designer: Edna
Base codes: Tammy
Brushes: Inobscuro, At0mica, Echoica, Veredgf, Puzzle
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Others: Adobe Photoshop CS


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Wednesday, June 30, 2010




The verdict


My route for the next 3 years: having a full time job and doing my part time degree.

I think that I am just fated to do this but really thankful for those who helped and encouraged me for the last 6months. Sorry that I did not get in but at least I tried and realised that there were many who had faith in me.


I have already done its bridging course which gave me a taste of it, making me think that I was about to die of tiredness. I am already so tired after work but I still have to squeeze the little precious time I have for lessons and revisions. To be frank, it strained my emotion health. However, the most stressful part is not how well I can score for my exams but how I can fork out money to pay my school fees. I was so worried that I wished I could rob a bank – nah~ just kidding. If you know me veryyyyy well, you will know that I will only depend on myself – Life taught me to be independent but never dependent on others.

Anyway, time really flies away so fast. I will be in that company for a year next month on the 20th which is also my manager’s birthday. I made a joke (as always) out of it that I am a gift to her but she did not receive it because she took leave. She asked why I did not place a ribbon on my head. Ha ha. This one year has been quite difficult for me because it is my first permanent job after all. I was not afraid of anything but the interviewing part as it required me to interview people with good qualification/working experience or came from good background (as in school) at times.

My first few attempts with briefing the T&C were horrible because I kept stumbling upon my words. It reminded me of my English oral and how people laugh(ed) at my spoken English. But I still smiled because I did not want to give up. I did not tell anyone that I was afraid. My principle is, if others are able to perform the job, why should I give up without even given a chance to try? So, I made it.

My first few attempts with looking for people to fill permanent positions were worse because I could not understand some of the job descriptions. The worst part was when the horrible thing happened to me and when I was asked to sit beside my manager to assist her. I wonder how I managed to go through that period when crying was part of my life. Tears kept flowing inwards but life went on. But, I made it through too.

Of course, the good thing is, my manager and another colleague are always helpful – I like them most of the time. Although I have not said anything (just my personality), I am really, really so grateful to have them. My manager is often so motherly. She gave me a hug and tried to console me when I cried which touched me a lot but I never said anything. For my other colleague, she would be so patient by answering my questions which I asked before because I was afraid to ask my manager again. =/ (If I could, I would tell them that I am sorry for hurting them with my words at times.=[)

Through this job, I realized that parents would do anything for their kids. I am greatly disturbed by some issues like parents called in on behalf of their children to look for temporary jobs for them or when they spoke up for their kids when anything happened. This was when we would have to be very patient (and professional) with them even though it really wasted our precious time. In actual fact, I was deeply touched by their actions because they ignored their pride and helped them. Now, the question is, what about the kids? Some are spoilt to the extent that travelling for 5-6 MRT stops is considered far. How ridiculous can this get? People in other countries have to travel for hours before they reach their workplace! Some even asked their parents to call in and ask about their salary. Sometimes…when it is not your day, you just want to be sarcastic with them.

I can write a list of what-to-do and what-not-to-do during and after your interview. You may think that it is obvious but many people dug their own graveyard which caused them to fail the interview. Another important thing is resume. Some resumes are so messy that……

For now, Chu Er will concentrate on her studies and job (to build on my resume!). It will leave me with very limited time for myself and loved ones so this will be yet a test of many things. Oh well, this will not be forever (this sentence is so familiar and it reminds of…) My ultimate goal is to get a job which can help people so I need to work hard first.

On my way to work, sometimes a stranger would board the same bus as me after a few bus stops. The stranger had the same hairstyle (thick hair), side view and figure. I would stare at the stranger throughout my bus ride. Is it very silly? It may be silly but just my personal, special moment which no one can comprehend.



Till then…


I dreamnt of you at 6/30/2010 09:46:00 PM




Saturday, June 26, 2010




Reminisce



A few days ago, I realized that all my emails were gone so I posted it on my social networking website. Then, a nice friend came to my rescue by giving me a link to retrieve everything back. It worked two days later but the bad thing is, I had to sort out my emails as everything was placed in my inbox. To make things easier (in a sense), I started from the latest to the earlier emails. Seriously, it was like a transportation back to the past as I was forced to read all the emails just in case I deleted any important ones. Some emails really brought back really good memories whereas some are still like nightmares to me.

Like there was this period of time which I cried almost every day for a year because I was so frightened and upset about an issue. That issue even caused a strain in the relationship with someone I cherished, believe it or not. Sometimes, I am glad that it happened because at least I knew that that someone whom I cherished would not go through thick and thin with me. However, that issue made me think some people are really scheming, heartless, selfish or/and unreasonable. (So, I never really believe in the logic of treating someone nice so as to get the same return OR treat people the way you want to be treated. ) I literally went through everything by myself until there was a point (more than half way through the whole thing) when someone else went through the same injustice with me. Then, after that, a close friend went through the same thing as me. It really comforted me a lot, not because of what they went through but how they could understand how I felt at that point of time. I told myself that I was not alone in this. That period of time forced me to struggle with many decisions but I never executed them because I did not want to spoil what we had already built up.

Sweet memories became nightmares too. Everything started well but gradually… Up to date, I still think that it is my fault. Perhaps, I have not completely forgiven myself. I often tell myself that there is nothing I can do to make any change because it was a fact that I went through the horrible journey.

Through a chat, a friend told me about someone. The truth shocked me. Why can’t people be much simpler? If they do this, that wouldn’t happen. If they don't do that, this wouldn't happen. If...



Anyway, I have been thinking a lot, mainly about myself. I am glad that I always make my plans, believe in depending on myself (only) and to suffer now and enjoy later (by the way, I am still suffering =[). Everything must be fated because of what I have gone through, I realized who my true friends are. They are just there for me whenever I need them. I know that it has never been easy to be my friends because of the many issues I face. I am also aware that I can be a bitch at times. Okay, the main thing is, I must be strong and persevere on. The painful experience causes me not to be as gullible as before (or rather not to trust someone as easily). By the way, I finally know what sense of security is. Ha.





I will see my ray of hope sooon. Thank you friends, Chu Er is so blessed to have you people. In fact, I am blessed in many ways. =]





Where everything falls into place...



I dreamnt of you at 6/26/2010 12:49:00 AM