WHERE.RAINBOWS.END.sometimes fate just can't stop meddling..

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Fun Saturday!

You Scored as Sociology
You should be a Sociology major!

Sociology 75%
Anthropology 67%
Journalism 67%
Engineering 67%
Psychology 58%
Linguistics 58%
Biology 58%
Art 58%
Dance 50%
Philosophy 50%
Chemistry 50%
Mathematics 50%
Theater 50%
English 42%

Yea yea. This is the result of a quiz I took. I think this is quite accurate because it has been my interest all this while but I just do not have fate to study it. However, somehow, I am quite glad that I am not enrolled into the school after hearing stories from students of that school. With my personality, I will be very miserable and scared for four years if people around me are hypocrite and unkind. I think I may study Social Work next year but I am still trying to do more research to ensure that it is what I want to go for.

Guess what? Last night, I was stuck on my house toilet bowl for about 20 minutes because my feces couldn’t come out. (HA HA HA. I know it sounds gosh!) I swear that I rarely eat fried food. Recently, because of that incident, my appetite has become very poor. On the average, I only have 1.5 meals per day. In the morning, I have to force all the food down which takes much longer for me to eat than usual. Now, I hardly eat during lunch time especially when I don’t pack any food for work. So, I will have to force myself to eat in the late afternoon otherwise I will not eat anything too. Sigh. Pretty bad, eh? I guess it just shows how much this matter has affected me. =( Even my stomach is emo-ing. =/ I think the worse is, I am forced to accept the truth without being able to fight for myself at all. I am not too sure but I think that my mood has become better because I have not shed a single drop of tear for 2 consecutive days already.

A big thank to people who send me long messages and constantly encouraging me. Either I have finally been enlightened or part of me still strongly believes that this is not the end yet. Ah. Chu Er is a fool!

Oh yea. Yesterday was an enjoyable day for me. It was the last day for one of my colleagues and two more intern students would be joining us, therefore, there were a lot of shifting and clearance of waste papers to be done = no need to search for candidates. =D I would be shifting next to my manager from tomorrow onwards. =( In another word, my boss and her will be able to see whatever I am doing on my desktop. I will miss my old desk dearly because I was still able to secretly do my private stuff. =/ After which, I went home for an hour of nap and went to Pasir Ris to meet Kenneth and his friend (I am sorry! I seriously can’t recall his name at all) for an event called Defining Moments.

I loved the speaker because he could make us laugh at almost every minute. I really laughed at what he said, unlike the time when I was watching Monsters VS Aliens. =/

Hey, I am still trying to weigh the importance between relationship (Kinship, friendship and boy-girl relationship) and career (and wealth). Well, I will still insist that relationship is very important to me even though what I usually do contradicts my value in life. I seriously hope to step out of poverty. Not that I am extremely poor but there is a need for me to earn my school fees, everyday expenses and bills. Anyway, I promise myself that I will play hard on weekend, meaning I will go out on my off days and whenever I am free no matter what time I have to work on the next day. I am beginning to think and convince myself that I will not go poor if I don’t work. My mentality is, I will be broke if I don’t work whenever I can. Being independent is not a nice feeling at times (no matter how much people admire you for how strong or how good you are) because it is still better to be loved. I really hope that one day I can spend on what I want because it is so tiring to save and save and save and work and work and work.

I am still hoping that I can be a blissful housewife in the near future for, I am so sick and tired of working and hope to set up a happy little family with the love of my life. Does it sound unpractical? Wait, I seriously am not referring to now because I am certainly not prepared to settle down in life yet. I aim to give birth to my first child at the age of 30 or 31, that is, if I ever have a boyfriend. Ha ha.

Many things are just not within your control.

I dreamnt of you at 8/30/2009 11:50:00 AM

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Stronger than yesterday

Whether it is the power of friendship - concerns shown by my dearest friends, strong-willed Chu Er or whatsoever reason, I just want to say that I am still staying strong. I will pick myself up because I hate to feel sad for, my tears will flow down uncontrollably. In certain part of this very blog of mine, I mentioned that I can cry anywhere (bus, MRT, work, etc.)- without people knowing at times. Ha. I am an expert at crying, seriously. The pain has subsided for a bit or has it gone numb? Whatever it is, it is still a good sign, isn't it? For now, I just have to keep myself busy. Oh yea. Last night, I finally had 6hours of sleep. I would not say that it is 6 solid hours because I was only 3/4 asleep most of the times but it is still good enough compared to last few days!

I am still praying...for a good change because I don't feel like giving up as of yet.

I dreamnt of you at 8/27/2009 12:22:00 PM

Praying for a miracle

I know how determined you are this time and that it is for our own good so that we would not be even more hurt in the future. You know, I really don't care how silly I am, but I am still praying hard, very hard for miracle even though it may be one-sided - which I hope not. I really don't want to care how people think of me. It is too tiring.

It all started with "Excuse me!" that brought us together...

Do you remember?

I dreamnt of you at 8/27/2009 06:26:00 AM

Monday, August 24, 2009

Yet another regret

I want to declare that I have been feeling very down for the past 2 weeks. I am having many sleepless nights. I really cannot stop thinking because it just hurts too much. No. I am not blaming anyone but myself. Maybe I deserve this ending but no, I am not giving up yet. I will wait for 2 years. You may think that it is impossible but I don't believe so. I will be strong. I will try my hardest to hold my tears back. I know that I screw it up once again but I am just so clumsy. Saying "Sorry" does not seem to fit the situation anymore because I think I used up the magic of it. Someone said when the time comes, it will make everything more rocky. But, from my knowledge, "it" is supposed to conquer all the difficulties, isn't it?

These 2 weeks make what I am doing now even more dreadful because I am not enjoying it anymore and I am not feeling too well. Another 10 months to go. =( One word to describe life now, bad. I am seriously thinking of letting go one of my committments so that I can have more free time with loved ones and for rest. Maybe I am using it to escape something but sometimes, it is really too hard on myself. My life is full of contradiction. Never to learn from me.

Chu Er, Press on!

I dreamnt of you at 8/24/2009 10:20:00 PM

Sunday, August 09, 2009

Never learn?

Last evening, I shared a cup of green tea latte and a slice of cupucino chessecake with sis and I ended up having difficulty to sleep again. o.o I only managed to sleep at 4a.m. with the company of the 5th series of Harry Potter book. The worst of all, I had to wake up at 6a.m. for work. I am seriously counting down to end of work. =/

I dreamnt of you at 8/09/2009 07:17:00 PM

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Inner Thoughts

Last Saturday, two colleagues and I were happily chatting – near the end of our work, we were not slacking! I was telling one of them – she is not that old but just old enough to be my mum – that I prefer living in the 60s because people in that generation were so romantic. Okay, perhaps, just way before my generation.

WHY?

People used to write love letters – To be frank, I have never received one. People usually do it through MSN, SMS, phone or email. o.o Only a handful of them do it in person but still not that romantic.

Usually, the first lover will be with you for the rest of your life – how sweet!

People used to be very devoted. Now, people change lovers like they change clothes – How sad!

Usually, guys would stand up for the girls if they were being bullied but now… =/

No matter what difficulty, the couple would go through it together. But now, people break up due to minor problem and not able to bear with little obstacles - How disappointing!

Anyway, I am getting disappointed with this society. After doing this job, I realized how racist the society can be. But again, people usually have some reasons for making certain decision.

I dreamnt of you at 8/04/2009 09:13:00 PM