Define it

I used to think that life is about trial and errors until I met some unfavourable circumstances which made me change my point of view. I think it is about cruelty. Sometimes, people tell you your mistake(s) without even giving you a chance to amend it and condemn you. Being a coward self, you would usually keep quiet and accept the new title given to you. But, before you condemn someone, has it even occurred to you that you make/made mistake(s) too? Perhaps, you agreed that you did but you might protest that at least you would never commit such a grave mistake. Define what a grave mistake is, please.

I am trying to understand the situation now. Can we even afford to make a mistake? If you tell me that the answer is a ‘No’, congrats, we are on the same boat. I am getting the feeling that we must be a perfect individual, with no fraud at all. Look at yourself in the mirror, reflect upon yourself and be frank.

Sometimes, chance(s) are given to you silently, is it fair? Nope. You must be a silent killer, duh.

Well, sometimes, I am really in a loss. Lately, I have been going around asking for lots of advices for I feel that I am not allowed to make any mistake at all which puts me in a very stressful situation. =/ I am still in the process of making a very important decision - not about life and death nor marriage but still as important to me. Wish me luck!

Life after work

Woohoo~ Right after my work, I met up with Zhan Hui (ZH) and Andrew Ho (A) who were all from Mentoring Club for a mini gathering. I have not met them for months for the same old reasons. I was surprised that Sebastian did not turn up because I finally could make it for the outing. =/ It was okay. We still enjoyed ourselves without you. = p JUST KIDDING! We went to a little high class restaurant for our dinner. I liked the ambience a lot. Our dinner was fabulous. I must agree that I behaved like an aunty over there. When we pay $5 for a glass of drink, we will be entitled to a free flow of that particular drink. So, I told them to just order a glass since it was a free flow. = p In the end, I shared it with ZH. We chatted from the time we sat down (about 5.30 p.m.) to about 10.30 p.m. Oh. I decided to join them for a KTV session even though I do not really sing for I am really shy. =/ It is always fun with them around.



I have decided to live my life meaningfully. Although I may break down at times for the same old reason(s), I will still stay strong or even stronger than ever for people who are always supportive and encouraging. I just want to prove myself right that I can be a successful person for the people who had looked down on me or have been looking down on me. Sometimes, it is just your luck and I am still trying very hard to accept my fate. Perhaps, I had done something very bad in my previous life that God wants to punish me in my afterlife and so I am going through what I am going through now.

I think that one day I will start to stand up for myself instead of tolerating everything. One day, I might become very hard-hearted because I am tired of how I am being treated when I always try my best to help when I could. It is not about what you get in return but how you are being appreciated and not taken for granted of. Anyway, hard-hearted and cruel people survive better in this world. This is the type of world I am living in. I am learning to face it.

Choices


How many chances can one be given for a choice? Limited.

I realised that I have made the wrong choices, again. You know, it is one of the most important decisions of my life yet I followed a friend again like what I did when I chose my poly courses. When can I learn from my mistake?

I hate myself. I know that I will have a hard time forgiving myself if I did not manage to get in at all.

Okay. I just hope that I will not depend on anybody again when it comes to marriage (another important decision to make if I have to) which is a long, long way to go. Ha ha.


BLESS ME!

I realised that I am really bad at making decisions. I say, "Anything" more often than one should. Perhaps, I dislike making decisions too. = / For one obvious reason, I have no confidence in myself at all. I seriously need a confident booster. Is it for sale?

The only good thing


I really ponder hard and realize that the only good thing that occurred to me today is that I finally saw my Haagen Dazs manager. Yes, it sounds pathetic especially when I have done a lot of stuff today. =/

Anyway, I was so glad to see her again after so long. Last April, when my ITP supervisor wanted to give us a treat to Japanese meal at Vivocity, I tried looking for her. Sadly, she was already being transferred to another outlet which I have not heard of so I could not look for her at all. o.o

From far, she looked so familiar to someone whom I knew and I was just trying my luck by walking over and it was indeed her. =D Like always, she would be so nice by asking me to join Haagen Dazs again so that we could work together again. Actually, I do not mind but I want to try and learn something different. =) Actually, it was only the third time I saw her since I quit Haagen Dazs two years ago.

She is one of the nicest people I have ever seen. =)





Oh. I have done a personality test which I did long time ago. From my memory, some answers are slightly different and I think that the answers now are 90% true about me. I am sorry if you cannot agree with me. Ha ha.

Get to know yourself better (http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx)

Your view on yourself: Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for: You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship: You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love: Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education: Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you: You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success: You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of: You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self: You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Dog-eat-dog world


I think it is really time for me to face the reality. It has never occurred to me that the world is that scary – yes, it was already scary to me but I think it is scarier to me now.

I was just telling a friend about my hope to get into my dream university. He told me that with my character, it is not a suitable place for me to study there, I will surely get bullied or being taken advantage of. Seriously, if you tell me that I have 100% of chance to get into there now, I will be hesitating. I am a poor player in politics. I want everything to be straight-forward and frank. I dislike dishonesty. I am also reluctant to lie about my results just to get myself a place in university. Not my style. I want to do it base on my capability.

Sigh. Why? I know this world is not exactly what I want it to be. I am getting disappointed, very disappointed actually. Can doing voluntary work allow me to survive for the rest of my life? I doubt so. But, I do not mind being poor for the rest of my life as long as I do not have to face cruel and inconsiderate people. Looking at how some people behave, I seriously feel like laughing out loud and knocking some senses into them. I hate them a lot, I seriously do. If there was God up there, why is it that he created them? Can someone answer my question?

I am getting the feeling that I will not survive well when I really start working.


Thanks for reminding me. =)