Something positive


A job that has illogical, ridiculous and endless of rules. I really dislike how we are being treated. We are human beings, for goodness sake. Why can't you treat us with kindess, respect and understanding? Why do you even exist in the first place? You are a disgrace to our human race! Perhaps, it is your forte to threaten people and I really dislike to be threatened for, you will lose the trust I have in you. Yes, it makes us listen to you but we do not respect you at all. Roar! (I didn't intend to type this out but as I think of it, all my thoughts just flow out very smoothly. I will bear with this for, I am Lim Chu Er!)


During work, I saw my relatives and was quite happy about it because I only see them once a year. =/ All of them looked glad to see me too including the kids. =D At that moment, I felt safe. I really wanted to go home so much yesterday. All I could tell myelf is to stay strong and control my temper. Yesterday I was seriously very pissed off that I tear. I guess this is due to lack of rest. You know, I usually have problems falling asleep and because of this job, I fall asleep within 10 minutes or less. =/

Last week, I met up with Marzuk after work. He was supposed to fetch me at Boon Lay Interchange and in the end he was late (as usual = p) so he changed the meeting venue to Jurong East Interchange. We went to Bukit Batok to have our supper - roti prata. Wee~ I had a cheese and mushroom prata and a ko-song (a plain prata). I think they were rather nice especially the cheese and mushroom one. We had a nice chat especially on our lives and mentoring. Anyway, we only managed to meet up after several months because I am always so busy.

Well, if I had a choice, I would not want to work this hard too.

Which rich guy wants to marry Chu Er and gives her happiness? I am never lucky in this. =(

IF given two choices; a guy who is poor but loves you and a guy who is rich but does not not love you, who will you choose?

I have made up my mind to choose the two of them. I believe that the rich guy would give me a handsome sum of allowance and I could save it up. As such, I would get richer and look for the poor guy with that sum of money. Ha. Just kidding! Actually, it is not that important for the guy to be rich as it is more important for that guy to truly love me, care for me and be understanding.


Last night, as I was on my way home with my colleagues on the MRT, I started to tease and laugh at my colleagues. I was really laughing out loud. I kept laughing until the passengers beside my colleagues got influenced by my laughter and started laughing as well. HAHAHA. Laughing is a good form of exercise! =D Something positive, eh? = p

Oh ya. One of my jobs can get very boring so we would try to keep each other awake by telling stories. I tried telling a serious one and two ghost stories and all of them became jokes. Laugh out loud. Roar. Ha ha.

Live it


It has been quite awhile since my last serious update. Anyway, a colleague shared a story – story of her best friend - with us today. The moral of the story is to tell us to live our life to the fullest. The story was rather touching. Anyway, her best friend passed away quite some time back.

Ah. Life. To be frank, I have not been living to the fullest because at almost every single minute, I would be worrying about something or asking myself why life has not been fair to me.

Should I live and meet others’ expectations of me or be myself?

Many expect me to be a cheerful and happy-go-lucky person.

In reality, I am far from it.

I guess it is partly due to the expectations of others that I am used to hiding my feelings so that I would not disappoint them. Of course, there are some other reasons why I am reluctant to share.

Perhaps, smiling my way through can make me live longer.

Sometimes, I really lose my way, not knowing why I live. I feel that the reason why I live is to go through the life of what most people do which is very meaningless. I really need to look for a purpose and work towards it. I do have a goal in mind but the goal exists just for the sake of existing. Tell me, when can I gain my freedom and rights?

I know that my entry is still not something cheerful but just make do with it.

Have you thought of giving up your life to someone who treasures, deserves and appreciates it more than you do? I do. The sad thing about life is, you own it but it is not under your control.

Decision making


I took two such modules in my formal education but it does not seem to help because I still have a hard time making decision. Are there too many alternatives for me or am I not weighing the possibilities rightly?

Know what? If I were rich, I might employ three secretaries to help me make decision.
One is not enough as he might not have enough reasons to convince me.
Two are risky as there is a possibility that they do not agree with each other and it is not the way I want it to turn out. I mean I employ them to make decision for me.
Three are just nice as at least two people will agree with each other which make things easier.

A friend actually pointed out that if I were rich, I would just buy a degree which I did not agree with. Well, he was right in a way. At this point in time, I am far from rich so it is rather hard for me to imagine. According to my principle, I want to feel proud that I earn it by my own efforts and hard work because it hurts like nobody’s business when people look down on you – ah. I am supposed to ignore these people.

I hope to be rich for once so that making decision may be much easier for me.


How nice it is if everyone can be friends with each other. For some, you can just magically talk to him/her without any difficulty. For some, the same magic does not seem to work again. How sad.





Finally an entry that is not so depressing?

Negativity


I write better when I do not feel that good – hey, not what people say, having PMS. On Monday, I was extremely pissed off by something that I cried at my workplace – without anyone knowing. I know it sounds silly that I cried but I seriously felt very helpless as I had/have no access to the internet to do my stuff. Well, I willed myself to stop as I did not want anyone to think that it would affect my work – this is a common assumption when you do not know someone well. Anyway, I bore with it till my way home. When my colleagues left, I closed my eyes and cried a little and decided to text Alex – my best friend, my confide mate – he is one of the few who really understands me and always has a way to make me feel better.

I am losing all my confidence again – I am ugly, a boring person with nothing to talk about and only knows how to irritate people with my thunderous laughter. Don’t worry, I know where to hide myself. I know I should take a break but I really cannot afford to.

My current feelings: confused, worried, scared, disappointed – yes, all the negative ones. I feel that I am like a volcano that is about to erupt soon. Ha ha.



I want to be heard but not to be hurt.