Efforts

Yesterday, a friend told me a story about it. I apologize that I cannot share it here because it is a little religious.

I learnt that even if your efforts are wasted, you have tried - this is the word 'tried' so I have not let myself down.

That issue is really a big blow to me. I often have the ‘power’ to hide my feelings so well that as if whatever bothers me seems non-existence. Last week, I thought that I have gotten over it but when I sat down to go through my thoughts; I started to break down again.

I want to tell the whole world that my family and friends are all very important no matter how well or badly they treat me, really.

This is why I always break down when anyone of them whom I treasure hurts me. This, either shows that I am weak or they are extremely important to me. But, obviously, it is the second option. Actions always speak louder than words. So, I hope that whatever I do, it could help them in one way and another.

Anyway, he is another one who said that since all my efforts are unappreciated; I should give up on that. But, should I? The feeling of giving up is…not good, something which I wish it does not happen on me at all. I have a feeling that I will go soft-hearted if I am being pleaded. Perhaps, I am so useless. =(

More disappointments and hurts are added, again.

Some say when you are down on luck, it keeps coming. Conversely, when you are in luck, it keeps coming.

I am down on luck, really. =)

But, what to do?

I believe in fate. All this is fated. The good time will arrive in no time. =D Hopefully.

But, I can promise not to let this bother anyone, at least my close ones. I keep my promise.
Anyway, now I really do understand the meaning of keeping a promise and understand why some hate promise-breakers. If I do not, slap me. I swear that I will not get angry. I am as serious as I can be.

What a tragedy to only understand and feel it now? Ha. Please do not belittle a promise.

The innocents by Taryn Simon

All the people written in this book are real. They were wrongly identified and therefore being convicted of a crime/crimes which were not true at all. Some were being threatened to confess. Most were sent to jail for more than 10years until relevant evidences found and confirmed that they were innocent.

I seriously feel sad for these people. Even in my life, I have always hated to be accused by people and could even get very angry of being accused over a small issue. If this had taken place on me, I guess I would feel very lost, frightened, angry and sad. Perhaps I would have thought of dying but before that I would try any ways to prove that I was innocent. Imagine yourself being sent to jail for more than 10years? What can you do when you are finally being released? I have no idea. Some or even all of them had to give up on their ambitions because they wasted their whole solid 10 years for nothing. A few of them were of my age when being arrested. Can you imagine? I do not want to. Hopefully, this will not take place in Singapore. Please!

Mentoring club’s inter-active camp



On the 19th and 20th of October, it was mentoring club’s inter-active camp.

I went to help out at about 3p.m.

Before the camp, something happened or rather knew something i did not wish yet expected to happen which made me felt like breaking down. But, like usually, I would control myself and will myself not to show out any negative emotions. I was not being silly but not wanting to spoil anyone’s mood. Most people were quite excited and elated; would I be so heartless to spoil it? NO. So, I decided to be crazy and laugh all I could.


Like usually, I never failed to do so. They did laugh at my entertainments.

After dinner which was 8p.m., I was told to go to T2261 to look after all the equipments as I was the only disco night helper but not the organizer. Imagine staying there alone till 2a.m.? Since I was not having a good mood and felt like hiding in a corner and cried as hard as I could, so naturally, that was not good news to me. In order not to make things difficult, I had to accept it.

4 burly guy helpers, the girl chief, 1 girl helper and me went to carry all the extremely heavy equipments from the clubhouse which is at FC5 all the way to T2261.For us girls, it was still quite all right as we were given the lightest yet not that light things to carry. When you looked at how those guys carried, you would want to pray hard that they would not fall or else something serious would happen.


Finally, we reached there.

In less than half an hour, those guys and the only girl helper left for their respective games station. The chief tried to figure out the speakers which were required for disco night as no sound came out. As for me, I had to fix all the bulbs and wires. To me, it was easy but tedious because I had to try out some bulbs and cut the wires. That was not all. I still had to tie them to wall and made sure they would not fall off. All these took me about 3 hours. What was worse? My stomach was in pain but no use complaining because I did not know who to ask for help. Halfway, the chief went off and 2 food helpers came and helped to hang the crystal light. Luckily they came, or else I would…


At about 12a.m., 2 helpers and one of their friends came. To me, they rescued me because I had been there for 4 hours and my stomach was in pain and was hungry too. Actually, they did not really want to let me go off but i ignored and ran off. =D


At that time, food was not prepared yet so I went to play “table trust fall”. I loved it so much that I tried played about 6 times whenever I could. =D


At about 1.30a.m., the disco night organizer and me went back to do the last decoration and gave me some instructions.


Everything ended at about 5a.m. But, we had to pack the stuffs and removed the decorations. We were all very tired.

So, I went back to sleep without bathing and brushing my teeth. I know it was disgusting but at the time, I felt so weak because of my stomach. In the end, one of the helpers woke me up to bath. I let them bathed first while I slept on the bench found in the toilet.

After bathing, I was supposed to brush my teeth but I did not. I fell asleep immediately.


For the second day, there was amazing race. A few of us stayed in school to arrange the tables and chairs to their original positions. After that, we slept for 3 hours. =D


After their amazing race, they had their last station which would make them totally dirty.


After everything, we washed and packed everything.


Time passes really fast. First, I was in year 1, semester 1 and now, I am in year 2, semester 2. Time is really precious. I am left with only a few more months to see those fun people. =)

Busy Day


Today was a busy for me because I rushed to work. I took only five minutes to reach Dover MRT station which I think is quite fast especially when I had to make sure my pants would not fall off and to keep my things but continue with my walking.


When I reached the MRT, I had four missed call from my company because they wanted to make sure I was on my way. Because of them, my hand-phone bill will reach almost $20 and the worst is they would call everyday. Do they want to pay for me? o.O


Yesterday, during my product training, an aunty kindly warned me about the manager at my outlet. So, today I was a little worried and scared especially when I was going to be late – I told my company about this the day before.

After some walking around to punch in and find my stuffs, I went to took for the manager. I asked around and finally found him. The first thing he told me when he saw me was, “Wait outside!” with a very fierce tone. I gave him a very stunned look but of course, he did not see it. =p My immediate response was “oh my god, is that him? o.o” Meanwhile, there was an aunty which I guess she is in-charge of something, kept nagging about something which I found it very irritating but funny. I laughed at her when she did not look at my direction. But, when she turned around, I pretended nothing happened. =p

Actually, this is how I will react when some people scold me. I am not a sadist but sometimes I just find them very unreasonable or the way they looked. I know that sometimes I make some jokes which no one would understand. I guess no one would react like I do. But, seriously, a scolding session could turn out to be an entertaining session for me. =p I am such a clown.


Anyway, I found the people there are very nice, kind and helpful. But, I am always too shy to talk to them but people who know me would know that I have made an effort to change. =)


You know, I feel that sometimes no matter how hard you try, you might not get the desired result you want. Someone asked me to continue to work on something but I have decided to give up. I do not want to get hurt, disappointed or angry because of that again. I have tried for at least a year and given many chances. Being soft-hearted and compromising does not always pay off well, really. When it is my turn, can you give in to me? I am always waiting for the day for something to happen but at the same time, I would try my best to help. This is me. Can you appreciate it and take it seriously, perhaps for the sake of my effort, not for me? I do not look innocent which I admire some people for this. If you understand me well, I do not hate anyone. It is tiring to hate people and foolish too. No matter what I do, I always believe that it must not go against my conscience or even when I am selfish, I will not be too selfish to the extent which I totally ignore someone's feelings. I will not. Because, this is me.


I may not look innocent but I am really sincere and harmless. I know that human's nature is greed and selfish so I always try to overcome that. I really try. Hard.

Portrait of an INTJ - Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging
(Introverted Intuition with Extraverted Thinking)


I know that I have posted something like this before but this is more accurate about me.


I truly love to observe.

I love science the most compared to other subjects. It is all because of engineering math so I dared not choose that.



I truly spend a lot of time doing serious thinking and planning.

Sometimes, I can get misunderstood for no reasons just because I do not know how to express myself. =(

It is true that I hate inefficiency. Yes, I can get very angry so do not try on me.


The details..

As an INTJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in primarily via your intuition. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things rationally and logically.

INTJs live in the world of ideas and strategic planning. They value intelligence, knowledge, and competence, and typically have high standards in these regards, which they continuously strive to fulfill. To a somewhat lesser extent, they have similar expectations of others. (I think this whole thing is quite true about me. ha)

With Introverted Intuition dominating their personality, INTJs focus their energy on observing the world, and generating ideas and possibilities. Their mind constantly gathers information and makes associations about it. They are tremendously insightful and usually are very quick to understand new ideas. However, their primary interest is not understanding a concept, but rather applying that concept in a useful way. Unlike the INTP, they do not follow an idea as far as they possibly can, seeking only to understand it fully. INTJs are driven to come to conclusions about ideas. Their need for closure and organization usually requires that they take some action. (Actually, I think whole of this is quite true too.)

INTJ's tremendous value and need for systems and organization, combined with their natural insightfulness, makes them excellent scientists. An INTJ scientist gives a gift to society by putting their ideas into a useful form for others to follow. It is not easy for the INTJ to express their internal images, insights, and abstractions. The internal form of the INTJ's thoughts and concepts is highly individualized, and is not readily translatable into a form that others will understand. However, the INTJ is driven to translate their ideas into a plan or system that is usually readily explainable, rather than to do a direct translation of their thoughts. They usually don't see the value of a direct transaction, and will also have difficulty expressing their ideas, which are non-linear. However, their extreme respect of knowledge and intelligence will motivate them to explain themselves to another person who they feel is deserving of the effort. (I think I will explain to anyone who is interested.)

INTJs are natural leaders, although they usually choose to remain in the background until they see a real need to take over the lead. When they are in leadership roles, they are quite effective, because they are able to objectively see the reality of a situation, and are adaptable enough to change things which aren't working well. They are the supreme strategists - always scanning available ideas and concepts and weighing them against their current strategy, to plan for every conceivable contingency. (It is weird to say I am a natural leader or can be quite effective in doing so because I am not sure.)

INTJs spend a lot of time inside their own minds, and may have little interest in the other people's thoughts or feelings. Unless their Feeling side is developed, they may have problems giving other people the level of intimacy that is needed. Unless their Sensing side is developed, they may have a tendency to ignore details which are necessary for implementing their ideas.

The INTJ's interest in dealing with the world is to make decisions, express judgments, and put everything that they encounter into an understandable and rational system. Consequently, they are quick to express judgments. Often they have very evolved intuitions, and are convinced that they are right about things. Unless they complement their intuitive understanding with a well-developed ability to express their insights, they may find themselves frequently misunderstood. In these cases, INTJs tend to blame misunderstandings on the limitations of the other party, rather than on their own difficulty in expressing themselves. This tendency may cause the INTJ to dismiss others input too quickly, and to become generally arrogant and elitist. (I think almost whole of this is quite true. ha.)

INTJs are ambitious, self-confident, deliberate, long-range thinkers. Many INTJs end up in engineering or scientific pursuits, although some find enough challenge within the business world in areas which involve organizing and strategic planning. They dislike messiness and inefficiency, and anything that is muddled or unclear. They value clarity and efficiency, and will put enormous amounts of energy and time into consolidating their insights into structured patterns. (No wonder I love to arrange things neatly.)

Other people may have a difficult time understanding an INTJ. They may see them as aloof and reserved. Indeed, the INTJ is not overly demonstrative of their affections, and is likely to not give as much praise or positive support as others may need or desire. That doesn't mean that he or she doesn't truly have affection or regard for others, they simply do not typically feel the need to express it. Others may falsely perceive the INTJ as being rigid and set in their ways. Nothing could be further from the truth, because the INTJ is committed to always finding the objective best strategy to implement their ideas. The INTJ is usually quite open to hearing an alternative way of doing something. (Whole of this is quite true.)

When under a great deal of stress, the INTJ may become obsessed with mindless repetitive, Sensate activities, such as over-drinking. They may also tend to become absorbed with minutia and details that they would not normally consider important to their overall goal. (whole of this is quite true.)

INTJs need to remember to express themselves sufficiently, so as to avoid difficulties with people misunderstandings. In the absence of properly developing their communication abilities, they may become abrupt and short with people, and isolationists.

INTJs have a tremendous amount of ability to accomplish great things. They have insight into the Big Picture, and are driven to synthesize their concepts into solid plans of action. Their reasoning skills gives them the means to accomplish that. INTJs are most always highly competent people, and will not have a problem meeting their career or education goals. They have the capability to make great strides in these arenas. On a personal level, the INTJ who practices tolerances and puts effort into effectively communicating their insights to others has everything in his or her power to lead a rich and rewarding life.

Jungian functional preference ordering:

Dominant: Introverted Intuition
Auxilliary: Extraverted Thinking
Tertiary: Introverted Feeling
Inferior: Extraverted Sensing


Click here to do your test.

That slipper

I promised to have a short entry before going to my dream land.

For the whole of yesterday, I was so utterly upset. Two days before, my slipper was spoilt when I was walking home. I loved that very much! Actually, I have feelings for almost everything I own including my mechanic pencil, other than my clothes. =p This is why I would shout at people who “mistreat” them. They will think that I have over-reacted. The question is; if I mistreat your loved ones, how would you feel? Anyway, I think my parents could see I loved that a lot so my dad even offered to pay for a new one for me. Of course, I was not moved by that because it could not bring my slipper “alive”. My mum even offered to accompany me to buy a new one. I accept mum but not dad’s offer.


In the evening, they seemed to be so lazy to go out so I had to use so much effort to ask them to accompany me. They should feel honour when I did so because I hardly ask people out, so appreciate it. =) So, we went to Wisma and Bugis. Seriously, I only saw one pair which I liked, not as much as the spoilt one. I did not buy because it was considered expensive – you will know why when you look it. Yes, I can be that choosy.

In the end, I bought a tee-shirt instead. As it is a free-sized, so I could not try it. I was actually a little worried that it would not match me. Anyway, luckily, it does! =D

horoscope

Actually, as usually, I read others' blogs and came across one and decided to try.




I think it is quite true about me and the whole thing is in ORANGE COLOUR. =p

Personality test

This is taken from someone's blog and I find that it is quite true. =)

Your Type is INTJ Strength of the preferences %
Introverted 89
Intuitive 25

Thinking 1
Judging 44



Qualitative analysis of your type formula You are:
very expressed introvert
moderately expressed intuitive personality
slightly expressed thinking personality
moderately expressed judging personality

Definition:

To outsiders, INTJs may appear to project an aura of "definiteness", of self-confidence. This self-confidence, sometimes mistaken for simple arrogance by the less decisive, is actually of a very specific rather than a general nature; its source lies in the specialized knowledge systems that most INTJs start building at an early age. When it comes to their own areas of expertise -- and INTJs can have several -- they will be able to tell you almost immediately whether or not they can help you, and if so, how. INTJs know what they know, and perhaps still more importantly, they know what they don't know.

INTJs are perfectionists, with a seemingly endless capacity for improving upon anything that takes their interest. What prevents them from becoming chronically bogged down in this pursuit of perfection is the pragmatism so characteristic of the type: INTJs apply (often ruthlessly) the criterion "Does it work?" to everything from their own research efforts to the prevailing social norms. This in turn produces an unusual independence of mind, freeing the INTJ from the constraints of authority, convention, or sentiment for its own sake.

INTJs are known as the "Systems Builders" of the types, perhaps in part because they possess the unusual trait combination of imagination and reliability. Whatever system an INTJ happens to be working on is for them the equivalent of a moral cause to an INFJ; both perfectionism and disregard for authority may come into play, as INTJs can be unsparing of both themselves and the others on the project. Anyone considered to be "slacking," including superiors, will lose their respect -- and will generally be made aware of this; INTJs have also been known to take it upon themselves to implement critical decisions without consulting their supervisors or co-workers. On the other hand, they do tend to be scrupulous and even-handed about recognizing the individual contributions that have gone into a project, and have a gift for seizing opportunities which others might not even notice.

In the broadest terms, what INTJs "do" tends to be what they "know". Typical INTJ career choices are in the sciences and engineering, but they can be found wherever a combination of intellect and incisiveness are required (e.g., law, some areas of academia). INTJs can rise to management positions when they are willing to invest time in marketing their abilities as well as enhancing them, and (whether for the sake of ambition or the desire for privacy) many also find it useful to learn to simulate some degree of surface conformism in order to mask their inherent unconventionality.

Personal relationships, particularly romantic ones, can be the INTJ's Achilles heel. While they are capable of caring deeply for others (usually a select few), and are willing to spend a great deal of time and effort on a relationship, the knowledge and self-confidence that make them so successful in other areas can suddenly abandon or mislead them in interpersonal situations.
This happens in part because many INTJs do not readily grasp the social rituals; for instance, they tend to have little patience and less understanding of such things as small talk and flirtation (which most types consider half the fun of a relationship). To complicate matters, INTJs are usually extremely private people, and can often be naturally impassive as well, which makes them easy to misread and misunderstand. Perhaps the most fundamental problem, however, is that INTJs really want people to make sense. :-) This sometimes results in a peculiar naivete', paralleling that of many Fs -- only instead of expecting inexhaustible affection and empathy from a romantic relationship, the INTJ will expect inexhaustible reasonability and directness.
Probably the strongest INTJ assets in the interpersonal area are their intuitive abilities and their willingness to "work at" a relationship. Although as Ts they do not always have the kind of natural empathy that many Fs do, the Intuitive function can often act as a good substitute by synthesizing the probable meanings behind such things as tone of voice, turn of phrase, and facial expression. This ability can then be honed and directed by consistent, repeated efforts to understand and support those they care about, and those relationships which ultimately do become established with an INTJ tend to be characterized by their robustness, stability, and good communications.

Functional Analysis by Joe Butt

Introverted iNtuition

INTJs are idea people. Anything is possible; everything is negotiable. Whatever the outer circumstances, INTJs are ever perceiving inner pattern-forms and using real-world materials to operationalize them. Others may see what is and wonder why; INTJs see what might be and say "Why not?!" Paradoxes, antinomies, and other contradictory phenomena aptly express these intuitors' amusement at those whom they feel may be taking a particular view of reality too seriously. INTJs enjoy developing unique solutions to complex problems.

Extraverted Thinking

Thinking in this auxiliary role is a workhorse. Closure is the payoff for efforts expended. Evaluation begs diagnosis; product drives process. As they come to light, Thinking tends, protects, affirms and directs iNtuition's offspring, fully equipping them for fulfilling and useful lives. A faithful pedagogue, Thinking argues not so much on its own behalf, but in defense of its charges. And through this process these impressionable ideas take on the likeness of their master.

Introverted Feeling

Feeling has a modest inner room, two doors down from the Most Imminent iNtuition. It doesn't get out much, but lends its influence on behalf of causes which are Good and Worthy and Humane. We may catch a glimpse of it in the unspoken attitude of good will, or the gracious smile or nod. Some question the existence of Feeling in this type, yet its unseen balance to Thinking is a cardinal dimension in the full measure of the INTJ's soul.

Extraverted Sensing

Sensing serves with a good will, or not at all. As other inferior functions, it has only a rudimentary awareness of context, amount or degree. Thus INTJs sweat the details or, at times, omit them. "I've made up my mind, don't confuse me with the facts" could well have been said by an INTJ on a mission. Sensing's extraverted attitude is evident in this type's bent to savor sensations rather than to merely categorize them. Indiscretions of indulgence are likely an expression of the unconscious vengeance of the inferior.