Reminiscing
Out of the blue, I thought of the school bag which I carried when I was still a primary school student. The thought was linked to the
old Tiong Bahru Market where a part of my childhood memories lie. I suddenly thought of my late grandpa and the lor mee which I had whenever I visited him at the toilet which he was tending at. {Written a few days ago = p}
Today, I have made up my mind to complete this entry!
Seriously, I have forgotten what I wanted to write. Actually, I have already thought of it and even cried while thinking but I have really forgotten everything. =/ It is good in a way so this entry will not be so down.
A lot of things have been happening since my last entry. My life is not becoming better or worse but still the same. The only change is I am not expecting much from anyone, anything and even myself anymore because there is no point. It upsets myself the most with the undesirable result.
The strange thing is I feel so busy. I think the cause of it is because of the trial camp and actual camp which I attended. =/ Erm. No. I am not blaming anyone because I really enjoyed the camp especially talking with some people. Seriously, I never expected to see Marzuk on the actual camp so I was quite delighted to see him. He was still as nice as before. =D
Perhaps the trial camps and actual camp should be something which I will reminisce about too.
I am not sure what has gotten into me. I actually cried over the issue that I am so busy but I like it at the same time because I will have no time to think too much. Someone told me that Phlegmatic-Melancholy is a very bad mixture of personality which I agree because both are not too optimistic in nature. This is why I am often so pessimistic!
Anyway, I must and will reserve my holidays for some people because I have promised them so long ago that I will meet them but I have never. All thank to school assignments and many more things. =/
Ha. I seriously hope that I can make it this time. Perhaps I should reserve lesser time for
him. =/
Anyway, talking about pessimistic, it reminds me of the “Managing your self-esteem” course which I took last week with Stel and Guo Wei. I think most people went to get CCA points but I truly wanted to know more. I took a test and not surprisingly, my score is the lowest.
I learnt that people around you – family, friends, society and even yourself – can affect you. To me, it really does. I really have no hope but to try my best. If running away can make me happier, I will do it. I just hope to feel that I exist because some people just do not appreciate what I have done. You know, I have come to a conclusion that even if you are kind but you are not that fun to be with, people will not really remember you and may not even want to get close to you unless they need your help. The problem with me is I find it difficult to express myself so people find it difficult to understand me.
Anyway, I have decided to be hard-hearted, I mean it this time. It really does not feel good to be scolded as stupid and useless especially when it is over a small matter. The fact is you are not flexible. An object/a tool can have more than one usage, ok? The worse is to throw away what I wanted to share. I mean it when I say I will not buy any more food for you. Enough is enough. Your pride cannot buy you anything but your concern and kind words can “buy” my love and concern for you. Sadly, you hardly even appreciate my tolerance for you.
With this aside, I have something funny yet meaningful to share with all the readers. If, you are being scolded that you are a failure. You should reply saying, “No. It’s just that I’ve not achieved my goal yet.” Ha ha
All right. I shall end my entry with meaningful phases:
“Just because no one has come along to share the life, it doesn’t mean that day isn’t coming.”
“Just because no one has made this race with you, it doesn’t give you permission to stop your race.”
“Just because no one has come to take the loneliness away, it doesn’t mean you have to settle for a lower quality of life.”
“Just because no one has shown up to love you at the level, it doesn’t mean you have to sink to theirs.”
“You deserve the very best there is, it doesn’t mean that life is always fair.”
Credit goes to Stel for helping me to note down all these because I cannot write fast. =x
