Conclusion
of 2012
Like every
year, I would write a final entry to conclude the year, hence there is no exception
for 2012.
It has not
been a very good year for me and it seems to get worse by each year. Ha. I think it
would be worse this year especially when I would finally graduate this year and
that jerk still refuses to work (after two years). The best solution I have come out with so far
is to work for as many hours as possible or get a job which requires me to do shift
work since I have no money to get out of hell. I mean it. If you have
difficulty locating me, you know where I am. A man like it, is useless.
As I grow
up, I find that it gets more difficult for me to be taken in by words especially when you
have not proven yourself by action. Perhaps if I was still 17-18, the naïve me
would but not anymore. If you said you would do something, you better do it and
not give me tons of excuses otherwise I would start to lose trust in you. I am
tired of lies, period. And, time does not wait for one.
How funny
that I once said I am not a career-minded lady but it seems like I have changed
my mind. I have been very thrifty but money never seems to be enough for me (us). What a
joke. With the lack of sufficient money, many things are not achievable. Not that
I refuse to depend on anyone, but… I guess I am just so insecure like this? I am
willing to work hard and endure hardship, but are you? However that, I am never materialistic. I do not need to live in a big house, to be driven around in a big car, to carry branded goods, etc but just a comfortable life where I need not worry about tomorrow. I believe I have been pretty selfless all these while otherwise many decisions would turn out differently.
Nevertheless, I am still thankful to those who still stick by my side even though I have been too busy or/and am too broke to meet up with them. I guess, what I have gone through magnifies the genuine concerns and the fake concerns people have for me.
Oh well,
this is not a very pleasant entry to end the year but still, hey, Happy New
Year to all who read this.
A question which I may never find the answer to - why did you have us when you hardly give us the intangible things we need? It is okay to be poor IF we are happy. I really do not need all the riches in the world. All I need is a happy us. Do you know all the struggles and sacrifices I have made in order to achieve what I have today but you never care? I hate you. Perhaps, I should learn to how to forgive in this new year.
