The Final Lesson in University (Edited)


Even though I had never joined any activity (other than having a short dinner or/and attending lessons) in my entire school life in university, I actually missed school. :( There was a tinge of sadness when I left school this evening. This was a place where I called my third home after my work place. For the past three years, other than my work, most of the time I thought of my school work. Suddenly, after three years, I feel empty knowing that I need not do that anymore. I guess I am pretty used to the routine even though I have been waiting to get my degree as soon as possible. How ironic. :p Trust me, in order to reach this day, three years is truly a long wait for me.

When I first stepped foot in my school, I was excited and was filled with burning desires to do well (by getting a first class honors – typical people would think that it is easy to score in a private institution but I was wrong too =[). Then, I changed my mind completely especially after talking to some seniors and taking back my results for Prelims (mock exams before our once a year exam).

 On a Saturday, after a lecture conducted by a UK lecturer in my first year, I was supposed to meet up with a friend to coach him on a module which I was good at it. Upon getting back two marked mock papers for my most confident module and another one which I was not good at, I was really shocked and felt very lost. I failed badly for that most confident module. Mock papers were usually easier than the actual exams, hence I should not score very badly. That day, I cried very badly from that afternoon till the time I fell asleep. Instead of receiving a coaching session from me, I refused to talk much and he even consoled me and gave me a treat to a Thai meal. Not only that, he never blamed me and still continues to encourage me. Therefore, he is one of my friends whom I cherish even though we hardly talk to each other. It was that same classmate (http://weirdy-xtreme.blogspot.sg/2010/12/2days-home.html) who bought a bottle of liang teh for me when I was sick. ^^ I always think that people who buy herbal drinks or medicine for me without being asked are extremely sweet as it shows that they really care for me! :D But again, I never took any leave or MC to study for my Prelims and would study for all papers after work and over the weekends. After work, the only thing you want to do is to sleep or do any relaxing activity but not something so taxing on your brain. As such, I have to admit that sometimes I am being very harsh on myself.




 Since 17 (or a month after my last paper for ‘O levels), I had been working whenever I could (to earn money for my textbooks, notes, and my handphone bill, etc) even during the school terms. As a result of that, I am well trained to sleep anywhere and anytime. On a typical day to school, as usual, I was really tired so I held onto a pole for support while I stood and slept as the bus was too crowded for me to get a seat to sleep. Then, a lady who sat on a 1.5 sitter-seat tapped me and told me to squeeze in with her. I was very embarrassed so I politely declined it which did not make her give up. She made space for me and persuaded me again. I was really touched by her humanity. So, yes, I gave in to her and sat next to her despite the lack of space. HAHAHA.

It was really challenging to do a full time job and a degree on a part time basis concurrently. (Till this day, there are still people who question me if it was really so tough to handle both concurrently. Why don't you do it since you think it isn't so tough? :)) At first, the lack of rest and overwhelming stress killed me inside out and I cried almost every day. Without my job, I had no means to pay for my school fees and other expenses. However, without doing my degree, I am unsure if I would be so determined to work despite all the obstacles. Ha.

 On some days…

    • I needed to finish some urgent tasks, hence I could not knock off on time and had to rush to school. “Rush” is an underestimation as I ran in my heels most of the time regardless of how tired I was after 9 hours of work.

    • I received scolding (or, even insults) from my superiors or/ and clients (which could be in front of all your colleagues), whether or not I really committed any mistakes. (number 1 mood-spoiler for the day)

    • I just wanted to give up on everything as it was stressful and tiring to go on.

    • I had to revise the module which I did in my first semester as I needed to do that along with the remaining modules for my annual exam. When we did our Prelims, the last lesson we attended for that module was six months ago. -_- A normal human would not have such a good memory and we were forced to be a super-human. Ha.

    • I spent a lot of time explaining to some who never understood why I needed to do revision so frequently. I never had the chance to ask them, "Did you think I am doing my education in Kindergarten or Secondary School?" -_- Sigh, if I really could not meet up with you, then I really couldn't do so. I would not promise something which I am not confident to deliver. Just prefer dealing with the problems to the consequences. *shrug* Sometimes I got too irritated by the probing, I would ask, "Do you want to sit for my exams? " :P Yes, I am very mean but pleeaaase understand the position I was in.

    • I wished I could join any school camp or activity to experience school life in University for once but it was impossible due to the time constraint. (For someone like me who loves to have fun and freedom, no one
understands how much I envy the full time students who have the luxury to do so. In fact, sometimes I feel sad over it. When some complained to us they had very few friends in school, the truth is, most of us attended most lessons alone. Working adults are too tired to even smile at each other at times.)

   • I felt like lying on my bed to cry for the whole day.

On most days…

    • In my first job, on the days which I needed to attend lessons after work, I had to leave 30 minutes earlier from the knock off time to reach school at 7 pm (which means no time to take a breather at all since the classes start at 7 pm sharp till 10 pm. Not forgetting that most of us wake up at 6.45 am - 7.10 am for work everyday). Since I had no bargaining power, 30 minutes had to be deducted from my annual leave despite the lack of annual leave, the fact that I reported for work 15 minutes earlier almost every day, and sometimes I worked through lunch to complete my work.

    • Due to the lack of time, I had to do my assignments or do my revision during my lunch.

    • In my second job, in order to complete that mountain of paper work, I did OT on the days which I did not need to attend lessons beyond my knock off timing (at 7pm- 10pm+). (In this century, most employers do not pay employees extra for doing OT anymore).

   • I had to run from the bridge outside of my school to the bus stop for my bus (if I saw any approaching) as wanted to reach home as early as possible so that I could sleep. Usually I would reach home at 10.40 pm and the routine began again.

    • I spent most of my time on revision and assignments over the weekends, during the public holidays AND after working hours when I had no classes. It was pretty frustrating that I could not rest at all. :(

    • I spent many days catching up with friends whom I had not seen for months during our “vacation” after exams when I wished I could sleep through my weekends.

  •  I had to think THRICE before spending as my salary was too little for my school fees and other expenses.

  • I  survived on 2-2.5 (0.5 - bread for dinner during class or cereals or bread for lunch) meals every day so that I could "squeeze out" money for my school fees, etc as I could not take up a bank loan due to personal reasons. And, extra money in case I really, really could not manage with a full time job anymore. Yes, since December 2012, I stopped working so that I could concentrate on catching up on my studies (for my Prelims in February and March and actual exams in May), look for a job, and plan for my graduation trip to Taiwan.

  • I  pretended to be strong and cheerful and even attended to others' issues when I had tons to deal with. I guess, I often keep things to myself as I find it hard to express my fears and true feelings that I do not want others to feel the same as me. Therefore, I would try my best to help or listen to their woes or even share my signature cold jokes to make them smile/laugh whenever I could. Oh, I do realise that some could not take jokes well and some even made some nasty comments after hearing my jokes. :/ I felt stupid at times. Ha. It was horrible to fight this war alone where some people were not understanding and supportive and even made things difficult for you. Some said, comparing to the full time students, we are richer. But, most of us did not take up any bank loans, hence the discipline to spend wisely was vital as well. Sometimes, I really thought of asking them if they thought I paid everything using hell notes (as we could use a few dollars to buy a lot of hell notes). Ha. Anyway, as time worn on, it was not so much of money but the energy determination, motivation and discipline to complete this journey. The employers would not care if you are feeling stressed up or lack of time to do revision and assignments. You are on your own. I would be lying if I said I never once thought of quitting my job or not reporting for work at all. Likewise, the examiners would not be sympathy towards our lack of time and energy to study, hence graded us better than we should. If so, our passing rates would be much higher.

 • My only leisure/ rest time was when I listened to some music on my way home from night classes or work or when I listened to some music while I took my bath. There was barely any breathing space (during the school semesters from mid July to my last paper in May) for me to sit down and relax myself. It is easy to say, "Oh, plan your schedule well and there should be no issues." But, given the limited information for most modules, we needed do research on some articles or theories for extra information or it would not be sufficient for us to even get a pass - either you do it now or later. The bottom line is, if there is too much procrastination or excuses (e.g. feeling too tired or busy to do anything), the amount of work you need to do will accumulate and you might be more stressed than you should be when exams are nearing. Yea, you can expect that there
was a lot of "inner battles" with myself.

 • I  was pressured (by myself) to choose between work, school work, and loved ones. HOW?


Despite all these obstacles, I still put on my smile and gave my full attention during the 3 hours lecture. In fact, sometimes I was too tired to even understand anything and just noted down whatever the lecturers said. On some nights, I just felt like crying or even skipping my lectures. But if I did that, I wouldn't be able to get any help as all working adults have their own commitments too.

 Not only that, we never once took leave to rest as we had to use all our leave for exams. In other words, we had to return to work on the next working day after our last paper since we used up all our leave for exams already. For us, the battle started from mid July all the way to our past paper in May or June where there was only a week or no school vacation (which was precious for me to catch up on my school work) in between the two semesters. When some who only need to work complain to us that they do not have enough leave, we would smile at them and ask, “What is annual leave?” For me, usually I will just smile and remain silent otherwise…. :/

To be fair, most working adults would want to sleep through their weekends due to the hectic schedule. But, I am a fighter who refused to give in to stress and tiredness so I pressed on. The stress from a full time job could be worse than studying as other than yourself, you need to handle others whom some you dislike to deal with. 

When I was doing my final year project along with other projects for my diploma till 10-11pm almost every day for at least six months, I thought it was stressful and tiring and it was my limit. When I was holding my first full time job which required me to work on alternate Saturday and two part time jobs concurrently for almost a year, I thought it was my limit too. I thought so until I went through this journey then I learned how it really felt like to feel stressed and tired. It was never about our tolerance level or that our tolerance level was higher than others but rather, we had no choice.  If our circumstances permit, we would also wish to do one thing at a time. We wish we could give up but we just could not do so. Which one should we give up on, our job or our education?

I met all sorts of people along the way and am glad and thankful that some still decided to stay in my life despite the fact that I could get quite pessimistic and grumpy at times. And, thank you to myself for staying and learning to be so strong and finishing this despite all the obstacles. Completing this journey is by far, my greatest achievement in my 24 years of living! ^^ I wish I did not need to go through these many a times but still, I never regretted it. This post pretty much summarizes how I spent the last three years with the exclusion of the nitty-gritty details.

For the past few months, I begin to think what I want and need to do upon graduation. I thought I knew but I am pretty lost. All I know now is that, never will I want to have such a heavy commitment when holding a full time job anymore. Enough is enough. Nevertheless, I will keep searching for my new goals in the meanwhile. :) Wish me all the luck in the world for my final battle!!!