Moody Monday


Yesterday was a hell day for me. I was extremely moody for the whole day and practically dragging myself to all the places. There were a few reasons that caused my moodiness. The one that caused me to nearly break down is what took place in the office. Basically, I got all the blames and being told off for something which I did but not decided by me and when I was not the only person doing that. In a simpler term, I was just following instructions, maybe blindly. At that moment, I nearly wanted to run out of the office to cry but I thought that it would cause too much attention from the other colleagues so I had to remain where I was. I could only sit there and swallow all my tears. I can’t give up. I need to stay strong for the next 10 months. I have been through something much worse than this so this should be nothing to me.

Many things are left unsaid and I am praying hard everyday for a miracle to happen. Like, what if I suddenly left this world? No, I am not being pessimistic because there were relatives and friends who suddenly left me, as in dead. You really have to go through this to know how much shock it brought to me. I was left in a shock state for at least a week for each death. For one particular death, I had nightmare everyday for at least a week. I guess I have to make a point to share something with some people.

My 2nd greatest fear is people I know, love or care leaving me forever, be it from this Mother earth or my life. I guess I would do anything to make everything back to normal again. I know this is silly but it is really painful to experience it.



I had a dream last night. In that dream, everything was back to normal and I was really glad and happy. When awoken from that dream, reality struck in and brought heartache to me.