Reminisce



A few days ago, I realized that all my emails were gone so I posted it on my social networking website. Then, a nice friend came to my rescue by giving me a link to retrieve everything back. It worked two days later but the bad thing is, I had to sort out my emails as everything was placed in my inbox. To make things easier (in a sense), I started from the latest to the earlier emails. Seriously, it was like a transportation back to the past as I was forced to read all the emails just in case I deleted any important ones. Some emails really brought back really good memories whereas some are still like nightmares to me.

Like there was this period of time which I cried almost every day for a year because I was so frightened and upset about an issue. That issue even caused a strain in the relationship with someone I cherished, believe it or not. Sometimes, I am glad that it happened because at least I knew that that someone whom I cherished would not go through thick and thin with me. However, that issue made me think some people are really scheming, heartless, selfish or/and unreasonable. (So, I never really believe in the logic of treating someone nice so as to get the same return OR treat people the way you want to be treated. ) I literally went through everything by myself until there was a point (more than half way through the whole thing) when someone else went through the same injustice with me. Then, after that, a close friend went through the same thing as me. It really comforted me a lot, not because of what they went through but how they could understand how I felt at that point of time. I told myself that I was not alone in this. That period of time forced me to struggle with many decisions but I never executed them because I did not want to spoil what we had already built up.

Sweet memories became nightmares too. Everything started well but gradually… Up to date, I still think that it is my fault. Perhaps, I have not completely forgiven myself. I often tell myself that there is nothing I can do to make any change because it was a fact that I went through the horrible journey.

Through a chat, a friend told me about someone. The truth shocked me. Why can’t people be much simpler? If they do this, that wouldn’t happen. If they don't do that, this wouldn't happen. If...



Anyway, I have been thinking a lot, mainly about myself. I am glad that I always make my plans, believe in depending on myself (only) and to suffer now and enjoy later (by the way, I am still suffering =[). Everything must be fated because of what I have gone through, I realized who my true friends are. They are just there for me whenever I need them. I know that it has never been easy to be my friends because of the many issues I face. I am also aware that I can be a bitch at times. Okay, the main thing is, I must be strong and persevere on. The painful experience causes me not to be as gullible as before (or rather not to trust someone as easily). By the way, I finally know what sense of security is. Ha.





I will see my ray of hope sooon. Thank you friends, Chu Er is so blessed to have you people. In fact, I am blessed in many ways. =]

Where everything falls into place...