Realisation for the Nth time
It felt not so good after having almost 12 hours of sleep because I felt more tired than before. It is like this when I am not motivated to do anything else. And so, after my breakfast, I lay down on my sis’s bed (as she was packing her room and I did not want to be alone) and flipped through a book called “For one more day” by Mitch Albom. It has been there ever since I borrowed from aunt on the 1st day of this year’s Chinese New Year – untouched till this noon.
After reading the whole book, it made me realise a lot of things of my life.
I often feel that your blood loved ones will always be there no matter what has happened to you (though it might not happen to me as of yet. I guess most importantly, I usually keep most of my unhappy moments from them because… I just could not bring myself to tell them and they usually think that everything is perfectly fine with me and some think that I will still be the happy-go-lucky and dreamy Chu Er. Oh well. I seriously do not have a great laugh for God-knows how long. Perhaps the best I could provide them is to allow them to have an illusion that I am perfectly fine. Sometimes, I am truly afraid when people ask, “How are you?”Yes, it is a question of concern but I often lie and say with a smile that I am fine. Part of me has always wanted to avoid being reminded of many, many unhappy events. I guess because I feel that at the end of the day, I still have to stand up and face up everything by myself. What I learn is no problems will go away by themselves unless something is done to it.)
What I need to do now – as what I have said for the Nth time – is to pick up my confidence from where I left it somewhere very long ago. I guess I am being too absent-minded as I have no idea where it is. I have problem looking for it.
Oh. The book says that I must allow people to reach to me in order for them to help me. True. But, what...?
I know that I am a bad person in many ways but I swear that I have a kind soul in me. I am still pushing myself to change to a better person but I can never be a perfect person. I am sorry.
P.S.: The book I read is no doubt a good book.
P/P/S: This is just an entry of reflection.
