Been awhile
Wow, the last time I blogged was more than three months ago. During this period of time, too much have happened - a mixture of happy and sad events. It was in fact a rather morale and emotional sapping period for me. Not only that, I was in fear and worried most of the time which caused me to cry a few buckets of tears during this period of time.
Firstly, I had a strong urge to give up on whatever I have been working hard for because everything was really too much for me to handle. Knowing that not many understood what I have gone through, I kept most of the unhappiness to myself. And, I would say that it is an understatement to describe the experience of attending lessons and doing revision after work as tiring for the past one year. As a human, it can be a challenge to put work issues aside after work and concentrate on my lessons or revision after that.
Some may think that I did not manage my time well. However, the fact is, I do not have any project to help me to score and to add on, every paper is difficult to even obtain a pass. As such, it was difficult for me to go out after Chinese New Year. During this period, I spent all my time on my work and studies and kept wondering if I would have enough (money) to pay for my school fees. I even wondered if it is the right time to do my degree now. There were too many obstacles to manage over the past few months. For example, as much as I wish that people whom I hoped (thought) would care for me, actually made things worse for me. This was to the extent that I wanted to give up on myself. I guess everything backfired in the sense that I am getting more prone to think that I am not able to and do not allow myself to depend on anyone. This is scary to me.
The worst period for me was definitely during my revision. Due to the hot weather and the fact that my house does not own any air conditional, I sweat from day to night while I was studying. To add on, there was a construction work going on nearby so it was extremely noisy too. But what, I kept telling myself I am really desperate to pass everything so by crook or by hook, I must not give up. Guess what? I actually studied for 12-14 solid hours/day for at least a month so as to remember all the theories
When I am stressed, tired or/and down, my appetite would deteriorate. This time round, other than my appetite, my digestive system was affected too. Perhaps it was due to the intensive coffee in-take (actually just a packet of coffee mix/day and a packet and a half of coffee mix on the day of my exam), I had to clear my bowel for 3-5 times/day. I really wonder what my body was clearing when I ate very little. On the positive side, I believe that I have lost some weight too. Ha.
Lastly, I am not trying to boost but am really, really glad to have friends who really care for me and ensure that I really took care of myself. Without them, I have no idea how I could manage everything. Thank you for the little notes, sweets, encourages and messages! Before I end it, I want to say that I am glad many people have not forgotten me and even returned to my life which really cheer me up a lot. <3
I hope that I can be as strong or even stronger for the next two years. Press on!
I sat on that familiar seat in the last cabin of the MRT at Pasir Ris Station and hoped that you were there, just like 2 years ago. How much I knew that it was impossible but I could not stop wishing for that. As always, I wish that you are well and happy in whatever you do.
