River of tears
Recently, I wonder if I should resume my habit of penning down the 3 things which make me smile everyday. Reason being, things on my end have been getting worse and I am having the thought of giving up on both my studies and work again. I need a reason to stay strong and continue with whatever I have been working hard for. Is it me or the things which I deal with? I am unsure. My fighting spirit is diminishing soon. Yes, I am grateful to have people constantly encouraging me and listening to my endless complaints but ultimately, it still depends on myself. This is like an endless war. Again, I wonder how war survivors survived t
he war when things would be far worse for them. When I wake up in the morning, I wish could sleep for the rest of the day, week, month and year because I am reluctant and have lost the motivation to fulfill my obligations. Yes, I am a coward. Scold me.
I think…I don't want to share my problems with anyone anymore because I feel guilty for doing so. I hate to make anyone worry. Let me keep everything to myself, okay? Sorry, I really want to post something positive but it is just so difficult. Who is willing to elope with me? I can do housework, cook a little and be a good entertainer if required.
My apologies for endless of unhappy entries. Perhaps I will write a happier one for the next entry because I will be going to Batam for a short trip with my colleagues over the weekend. =) (Like finally I could go overseas with my friend/colleagues, right?)
I
will continue to smile and laugh like nobody’s business. Let me rot.
